i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
