I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I still have a little drunk in my system
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
