i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
