walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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