Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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