Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
