I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
