Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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