We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
