then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
