i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i will never coherently bang her
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Bring me that man meat
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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