There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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