Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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