I can tuck mytits in my pants
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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