We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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