I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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