My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
this beer tastes like vomit already
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
