You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
