Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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