When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
