he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
