first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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