i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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