i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
