I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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