when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
