Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Actions speak louder than pants.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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