I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
