normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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