Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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