For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
