Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
