i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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