She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
