It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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