Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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