Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I touched a dick in church today
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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