I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
