think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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