I'm going to jail i love you
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
