My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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