Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
