i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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