forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Your dad touched me again.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
