Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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