so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I wish there were birth control emojis
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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