my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
