So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
