On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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