you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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