Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
