Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
