I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
