after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
