I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
