hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
