If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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