I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
